In my calls with clients, I’m hearing that 2021 is starting in an edgier, more conflictive space. Leaders are sharing with me that they are noticing more push back and challenge from their subordinates, peers and bosses.
Some of this is simply a very human response to the anxiety of living with the pandemic. It’s coming up on 12 months for those of us in the US, and longer for many of those who read this internationally. When we need to be on guard anytime we are in a new group situation, it makes us edgy and puts us in a fight or flight brain mode that wears us all down.
You may be in a firm that is highly matrixed, where multi-year plans are the norm, yet it has suddenly become quarterly (or even shorter-term) focused. This means every meeting starts with a discussion of “is this still a good idea?” This sets up a ripple effect of constantly negotiating for budget, priority and resources. When we work in fear of our work being voted off the island, it creates an underlying, unspoken tension.
Combine this with remote work and needing to deal with this conflict in a very uncertain business environment, and you have the perfect storm.
Some Perspective
Before unboxing the how of working through this anxiety, let’s spend a few minutes talking about what we are working with here. Conflict and anxiety are closely tied to emotions, a topic that is undertreated in most business coaching.
Emotions are driven by the brain’s electrical impulses and chemistry. We have systems on board that are set up to save us from imminent danger that bypass thinking and set up the ability to respond. When our psyche senses a threat, we get an adrenaline shot which amps up our breathing, blood flow and bumps up our physical strength. This is no small part of why we have thrived as a species. Research tells us that it takes 45-60 seconds to get back to normal, even if your intellect tells you there’s nothing to fear.
When we are on a virtual platform, there is very little opportunity to utilize this amped up physical capacity – and in many cases it comes out verbally.
The low-level anxiety that many of us are living with right now has our systems on alert, and honestly, our perceptive triggers are responsive to every thought right now.
This means that your normally very composed peer might not be so composed right now.
How to Harness Conflict to Create Better Outcomes
#1: Make some space and get an agreement to work it through. The first step is to break the fight, flight or freeze cycle with a pause. Using a simple tool to de-escalate like, “I’m noticing that this topic is challenging right now, would you like to set up a seperate time to work through it?” can do wonders to allow everyone to reset.
If it’s clear you need to solve the problem now, then moving the discussion to how to process the solution can provide a space for emotions to ramp down. Once everyone has had a breath, move the discussion to why this is important for us to solve. A mutual agreement that it needs to be solved is essential.
#2: Work to understand how they see it. Ask questions to understand the lens they are using, as no forward progress will be made until the other party feels like they have been heard. The universally best way to do this is with questions. A simple “help me understand…” question usually opens the door, and by making visual notes, you can show that what they are saying is getting noted. Dig in for as long as it takes to understand their view completely.
#3: Discover the lens you are using. Now it’s time to share, as openly as possible, the underlying elements of your views (with humility). Try not to just repeat your conclusions, but more the specific observations (I noticed…) and facts that led you to your view. If this is a major topic, there are likely 3-5 major drivers of each of your viewpoints.
#4: Work on the roots and come up with the best way forward. This is where real value emerges. If history is a guide, you likely both agree on 80 percent of the underlying factors. Where do you disagree? What would need to happen to make each of your viewpoints come to life? How could you set up a path to rapidly adapt to those scenarios? And so forth.
The power of this process path is that once deployed in the firm, it leads to faster, higher-quality outcomes. Those outcomes become the seeds of better decisions and decisions are the primary reason to engage in business in the first place.
Installing & Facilitating
Solving this involves giving the way forward a framework and vocabulary.
I work with leaders and teams to build this into their core operating toolkit through workshops and coaching sessions. If you’d like to have a chat about how this could work for you, please drop me a note at scott@scottpropp.com or use this link to set up a meeting.
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