A consistent theme I’m hearing from my coaching clients is how much harder it is to “get things done” outside of the transactional with virtual communications. It is a unique time, where without warning or preparation, many of us have been pushed into a 100% virtual space with a sink or swim learning environment.
My clients, as a whole, are “do new” people. They are op’s leaders kicking off new projects, chartering teams, and responding to competitive moves. It is essential for them to be able to cross boundaries and be successful in having other leaders engage and respond. Their projects pivot off of engaged feedback, crisp understanding, and mutual dialogue.
What I’m hearing is that there is a real brittleness emerging, and it seems to be increasing as we move into 2021. In 2020 the adrenaline rush kept us in the game, and we had a deep well of trust built up with one another that we could draw from. As the year went on, these reserves began to run down, and we seem to have lost much of our ability to rise to the challenge.
Why is it harder to do these things virtually?
Empathy + Context
When we were in sight of one another, a great deal of context was apparent all day long. We knew who was meeting with who and how the mood of the day was going around the office. We knew how the business results impacted people both personally and as a group. We could anticipate big outcomes and small wins. Seemingly inconsequential chats at staff meetings, all hands sessions and skip levels kept us all up to date.
All this action provided us a rich and deep environmental context, and while it is important for day to day, it’s crucial for those setting new agendas.
Significant, customer-impacting change only comes through the efforts of cross-functional teams. By definition, these teams are primarily affiliated with their function, technology practice area or business unit. To establish real cross-team collaboration, step one is to identify competencies that contribute to the new direction and develop an overarching mission for the group as a whole. Step two is to gain intellectual and emotional commitment to getting this new internal value chain in place.
The team success will rise and fall on the quality of this objective and the group’s buy-in around it.
Going Slow to go Fast Later
I was with a Fortune 100 firm and given the opportunity to work out a partnership with them for a particular product line overseas. The first trip was illuminating. I had prepared well, from a western perspective: I had facts and figures, application case studies, quality, and process summaries. I had done some work on the culture and expected to have to lay some foundation before we got “down to business.”
We did a full three days where they gave me a deep understanding of the history of their firm, introductions to their key personnel, and had several long dinners with multiple courses and strong beverages.
We only talked briefly about product specifics and opportunities.
When I returned home, there was a sizeable standing purchase order for our products at full list pricing. It turned into one of the best multi-year contracts we had enjoyed in that business – ever.
The firm had already made the transactional decisions. What they really needed was to completely know me and make sure there was a resonance before doing anything financially.
The takeaway is that if we needed this level of relationship understanding due to cultural differences between two firms across two regions, consider the takeaways when we do this virtually. It is very common to pack our virtual meetings with PowerPoint decks and facts, with very few exploratory discussions that reveal values and history.
My coaching for virtual? Shift your agenda towards developing shared context and a clear understanding of the why, how and what will become transparent sooner.
Coaching Points for Building (Virtual) Empathetic Relationships
#1: Context: Take the time to paint the full picture – especially if it seems clear to you. What’s really at stake? Why are you taking a risk of doing a partnership on this element of what you are building? Reciprocate and model curiosity by asking questions to better understand their view. I guarantee you’ll both come away with a better understanding.
#2: Clarity: In my story above, we were working in two languages. You are too, even if they are both English. When I work with firms, I’m a stickler for de-jargoning conversations. I’ve seen many events where a leader was convinced that the message was understood, then an unanticipated outcome occurred related to the vocabulary.
Nearly every significant loss of value event can be traced to parties having two different pictures in their minds for the same terms.
#3: Constraints: One of the fastest ways to accelerate a real relationship is to share what the constraints are in doing what they are asking. Be ready to reciprocate and compromise. Deep and lasting relationships become a give and take based on respect for the value of the investment your partner is making.
You can only get to this level by going deep and getting clear around gives and gets.
Next
Many of my readers use these articles as staff and all-hands meeting prompts. If you’d like a customized version with an exercise that will help you and your team talk this through, please reach out by using this link. Or give me a call at (847) 651-1014.
Related posts you can benefit from…
